I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
