i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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