soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
