my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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