I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
