My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
