dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
