My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm at about main and main street
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
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