But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
