I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
