i permit you to call me
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
