Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
