he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize