when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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