did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
