dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize