cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
