So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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