I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
it glows. i had to have it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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