the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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