I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
