I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize