I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
