It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You are a genius and a whore.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
