I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
