I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
