So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
