hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
