i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The struggles of a small town man whore
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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