The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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