Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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