So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
