Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
