i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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