Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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