I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
