Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
