Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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