thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
