i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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