I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i love accidental penises.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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