Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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