You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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