Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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