Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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