apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
