Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize