How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
