This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
