I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
