How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
