Sry I called you an 8
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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