What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
