i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
