There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
