You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize