Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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