I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
