break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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