i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize