oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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